How are you doing so far this season in FPL? Me, 144,000. That’s how many people I’m beating. Not too bad, I’m sure you’ll agree.
A new rule in the game this year is the “wild car”, where you can make as many transfers as your want. I think it’s called a wild car because of those crazy cars that clowns drive around in. They can fit, like, 15 clowns in the back of those things. Mental.
THE QUICK AND EASY GUIDE TO USING YOUR WILD CAR
Step 1 – Take everyone out of your team to give you a blank squad.
Step 2 – Pick James Milner.
Step 3 – Click ‘Auto-complete’.
That’s it. You’re done.
THE ELABORATE GUIDE TO USING YOUR WILD CAR
I’m a more sophisticated player and I prefer a more strategic use of the wild car. Here’s my current list of clowns, sorry, I mean players:
I know my team already looks totally diamond but I’m going to try something that most would think impossible. I’m going to try to improve on perfection. My team is going to get a complete overhaul in the hopes of pushing me higher into the echelons of elite FPL players. So go to your transfers page and click the ‘x’ beside every player’s name.
After I ditch all the players from my team, I’m left with a budget of £98.4m. Why this amount and not £100m? Well, that’s a very technical financial question and while I could explain it clearly if I wanted, this is a blog article about FPL, not the Financial Times. So let’s move on.
The lynchpin of my team will of course be James Milner, the man himself. You need to build your squad around a strong leader, a giant among men, an adonis among little boys. Milner is like a combination of Roy Keane and Andres Iniesta. He has the dribbling skills of the former and the tackling tenacity of the latter. The ultimate football player.
Now let’s flesh out the rest of the team. You might be tempted to go for the established top scorers so far, such as Dean Sturridge and A A Ron Ramsey. But don’t, it’s a trap! Those points are from the PAST. You need to think about the FUTURE. The law of averages says that all players will score goals eventually. The ones that have scored too many already will slow down and eventually start scoring negative points to bring them back to the average. It’s just mathematics.
So forget about your Agueros, your Ozils, your Suarezses’s and get on board with my top value picks.
MY THREE STRIKERS
Fernando Torres – The former Spanish striker is hitting form at the right time and has to be brought in as your number one forward. Look at his goals record over the last few seasons: 24-14-18-10-6-8. What number will come next in the sequence? Simple maths tells you that it must be 12. He only has one league goal so far, which means that 11 more are on the way. Cha-ching!
Samuel E’tuu – The Nigerian striker took a 50% pay cut to play for his boyhood dream club, Chelsea. If that isn’t motivation to score a truckload of goals, I don’t know what is.
Dem Ba Ba – So good they named him twice. 16 goals two seasons ago. 15 goals last year. Using the law of averages, he should get 15 and a half goals this year. I don’t know how many points you get in FPL for half a goal but I damn well want him in my team when it happens so I can find out.
FILLING OUT THE MIDFIELD
Differenshills are important. A differenshill means that your players must be different from each other. If you include the same player twice in your team, you only get the points counted ONCE. I had James Milner in my team 4 times one week, including as a goalkeeper, but it didn’t work out well in the end. Don’t make that mistake. Use differenshills!
Here are my midfield differenshills:
Tom Huddlestone – He has come in to the Hull team and been almost like a new signing.
Stan Sitwell – The maestro at the heart of Fulham FC.
Check Tiote – As I always say, holding midfielders are important to allow the creative players to flourish. I’m giving my usual holder, Jonobi Mikel, a few weeks rest and bringing in Tiote. Nothing gets past him.
Eric Lamela – My final midfield spot goes to a player that might be the best bargain in the game. Spurs spent £30 million in Rome on this lad but he’s only £7.8m in FPL. An easy pick at that price. I went to Rome once and I can tell you that it really is bloody expensive. I was charged €18 for a plate of spaghetti and some tomato sauce! Not even any meatballs!
THE BACK LINE
Joleen Lescott – It’s important to have a defender from a top team. This lad gets his head on everything.
Some people like to double-up on a defence but I’m going to triple-up on a trio of defenders that I think will keep clean sheets for fun over the rest of the season and all at great prices. I’m talking pacifically about Aston Villa.
Kieran Clark – £4.5m
Ron Vlaar – £4.4m
Matt Lowton – £4.6m
Nachos Monreal – I love nachos and I love this player. Silky Spanish skills from the left back position. Guaranteed goals, assists and clean sheets.
Joe Hart – England’s number one. Nothing else to say really. 90 minutes guaranteed, safe hands, points galore. The perfect goalie.
I don’t really need a backup keeper when my number one is that good but I suppose I’ll pick one anyway.
Alan McGregor – Solid keeper for Hull City who can warm my bench.
THE FINAL PRODUCT
This is how my team looks now. To be honest, it’s like a piece of beautiful art. Even Leonardo DiCaprio would be proud. It leaves me with £12m in the bank, which will steadily gain interest and increase my potential team value for later in the season.
Thanks for reading. Sorry if there were any spelling errors in my grammar. English isn’t my fort. If you have any questions, please leave a comment on my blog or tweet me @FPLhelper.